Brown to be Sacked

The back pages of the tabloids and football chatrooms are rife with rumours that the manager of UKFC, Gordon Brown, is to be sacked.

The ambitious owners of UKFC, comprising a powerful cartel of Multi-Nationals headed up by Sheikh Abdullah Farkwit is believed to be unimpressed with his performance and are unhappy with the teams results. One insider said: "the results are clearly not in line with the targets that were agreed and set. We have spent billions on trying to bury our bitter rivals Kyoto FC and he has just not delivered. The bastards are still alive and snapping at our heels. They just won’t lie down or go away."

It is believed that an unknown Italian is being lined up for the job and has management experience in a small parish council on the Welsh borders. He was spotted walking across Westminster Bridge on 11th December which triggered the rumours.

However, the changeover is not expected to take place until next May and Mr Brown will not be informed of the decision until after it is announced.

Weggis News Agency

Copenhagen v. Me

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have more than a passing interest in Football. I rarely miss it on the TV. Some games are more delightful than others. Brazil v. Argentina or Manchester United v. Liverpool for example. These are the games where I am a neutral and I can sit back, relax and enjoy the football and the theatricals. Even when I have an emotional attachment, like with Spurs and England I can still, most of the time, watch with pleasure. I have been disappointed far too often in the past – I know what to expect so my expectations are not high. But there are some games that I just cannot bear to watch. You just know what’s going to happen. They are just far too tense and too much of a strain on the old ticker. I’m talking the inevitable penalty shoot out involving England and the World Cup.

So it is that I have been studiously avoiding the Copenhagen summit. I just can’t bear to watch, I just know what’s going to happen, and I'm afraid my ticker won’t take it.

Will somebody please let me know when the game is over and the result. But do break it to me gently please.

Cleaned Out

Today [Sunday] I have been to Newham General Hospital to visit the 85 year old mother of a life long friend of Mrs Weggis. She had fallen and broken her leg. The thing that struck me the most is this: normally the girls would be having a good old natter and I’d be outside having a smoke and listening to Arsenal v. Chelsea on the car radio.

Not today. It was me chatting to Violet about her Jitterbugging days. Mrs Weggis and her mate were doing a very passable impression of Kim and Aggie. In fact, I was wondering whether I should be wearing a HazChem suit. I think that between them they will have cleared the drains.

That’s where 12 years of NuLab have got us.

How the NHS should clean up its act

Oh Deer!

A couple of weeks ago I was driving home late at night through the foresty bit of the Weald. It had been a blustery day so I was not going fast, aware that there might be some debris on the road – like a bloody great tree.

A fallow deer crossed the road from left to right some way ahead, so I slowed down so that Mrs Weggis could go Ahhhhhh! Then the thing spooked and ran straight into the front of the car – thump. I didn’t see where it went. It wasn’t there when I got out of the car so it must have legged it back into the woods, stunned, bruised but still alive. Thoughts of venison for Christmas dinner receded. The thing is that it triggered the air bags, not to explode full on, but the warning light was on and it needed resetting. I needed a new loom, whatever that is, and it cost me nearly £200.

Which brings me to today – Mrs Weggis has been Christmas shopping with our daughter, daughter-in-law and granddaughter. They went to see Santa and in the process buy some more sparkly stuff for Christmas. We’ve given up buying presents but Mrs Weggis just loves all the lights and stuff. This is one of the things she bought.
It’s a Deer. It lights up and it’s got a motor in it so the neck moves from side to side and head moves up and down which I suppose does trigger memories of Meccano. She also bought a new Christmas tree so she can put the old one out front and put fairy lights on it. And she wonders why I drink! Oh, and this is what she bought me.

Conversations

Mrs Weggis from downstairs: What do you want in your roll?

Me from upstairs: Cheese and onion.

Mrs Weggis: I’ve got one slice of ham left, can’t you use it up?

Me from upstairs: OK I’ll have ham and tomato.

5 minutes later I’m eating a cheese and tomato roll.

Me: this ham and onion is really nice.

Mrs Weggis: I knew you’d like it.

Later that same day.

Mrs Weggis: there’s another bloody spider in the kitchen, why do they always go right up into the corner?

Me: It’s natural selection, you catch the ones that haven’t learnt to go right up into the corner and sling them outside.

Mrs Weggis: oh! So it’s my fault!

Me: I’ll get the ladders.

A Picture Paints..

..a thousand words. But can be interpreted in different ways.

Photo from Third Estate. It didn't look very peaceful to me! But Third Estate seems to think that is a good thing.....

This picture shows a number of things, the least important of which is that I’m getting a bit old for this sort of thing. It shows students from Essex University, of a range of ages and from diverse backgrounds, united in their rage [my emphasis] at what is happening in Afghanistan.

I do not like war, but I'm not going to get angry and go to war over it!

Beat This!

Mrs Weggis throws down the Gauntlet to her daughter-in-law.